No Regrets? Not Me!

“In Praise of Feeling Bad About Yourself”

The buzzard never says it is to blame.
The panther wouldn’t know what scruples mean.
When the piranha strikes, it feels no shame.
If snakes had hands, they’d claim their hands were clean.

A jackal doesn’t understand remorse.
Lions and lice don’t waver in their course.
Why should they, when they know they’re right?

Though hearts of killer whales may weigh a ton,
in every other way they’re light.

On this third planet of the sun
among the signs of bestiality
a clear conscience is Number One.
--Wislawa Szymborska

That makes me feel better. Sometimes my head is clear, my sinuses are clear, my goal is clear, but my conscience is never clear. I’ve never understood people who tell me they have no regrets, that if they could live their life over, they would change nothing.

I am good at understanding. I have a very strong imagination. But I cannot understand, I cannot imagine living with no regrets, for “there is none good, no not one.” All have sinned and come short, not only of the glory of God, but of most any set of human standards of conduct. That implicates me. Much that bothers my conscience is irreversible. The damage has been done and cannot be undone.

Although I don’t have a clear conscience, I have found that I can, nonetheless, live with peace in my heart, peace like a river. In Christ forgiven, I am accepted and set on the road to wholeness. My regrets are real, they are strong, but in Christ I do not allow them to haunt me. I don’t know how all of those wrongs and all that pain was made right, redeemed in an incarnate God/Man; I do not understand with clarity how his death, raised--by the purpose and power of God--in newness of life, has reconciled all alienation and estrangement and has transformed suffering into joy and peace. I don’t understand, but I accept and can lie down in peaceful sleep, because my conscience has been cleared through no doing of my own.

But to say I have no regrets would add insult to injury to so many I have wronged. Are there actually humans who like the jackal do not understand remorse? If so, I ask and Szymborska asks if they are indeed human? Perhaps, apart from Jesus, called Christ, there are not true humans.

Starbucks Quote #192

What is a celebrity? Until a few years ago, I thought I knew. Babe Ruth was a celebrity, as was Sergeant York, John Wayne, Martin Luther King, Charles Lindbergh, Michael Jordan, Tom Landry, Sam Walton, Lincoln, Hemingway, Billy Graham, Johnny Cash, Luciano Pavarotti, Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, Sam Houston, and Robert E. Lee--and the list could go on and on. When it comes to names like, Van Gogh, Picasso, Beethoven, Mozart, Rembrandt, Eisenhower, Bogart and Bacall, Tracy and Hepburn, we don’t even need first names.

It seems that a new definition of "celebrity" has emerged from somewhere, perhaps out of some garbage truck. According to most dictionaries, celebrity refers to someone famous, and famous means "well known." Famous is a first cousin to "family," folks with whom we are familiar. I guess this means that fame has mutated. I know why the names listed above are familiar, but I am not quite sure how nor why we have become familiar with our current crop of celebrities. I do have my suspicions.

We are familiar with the listed names because of their accomplishments. The new breed–mutants of historical celebrities–has managed to accomplish the gaining of our attention by getting our attention. That is about all they have accomplished, but for those who find nothing else to transcend their own barren existence, this may be enough. But where does this lead?

Quote #192 on a Starbucks cup gives us the answer. According to Donna Phillips of Claremont, California:

Many people lack a spiritual belief system and fill that void with obsessions about celebrities. The celebrities are raised to the rank of gods, and these earthly gods will always fail the expectations the masses have set for them. The cycle runs thusly: adoration turns to obsession, obsession turns to disappointment, and from disappointment it is just a short emotional jump to contempt.

Long ago, through the Hebrew prophet, Jeremiah, God says much the same, but much pointedly: ". . . my people have committed two evils: they have forsaken me, the fountain of living waters, and hewed them out cisterns, broken cisterns, that can hold no water."

Forced to Smile

"Jerome’s [late 4th century] own character was notoriously difficult. . . . . It amuses me greatly to envision Jerome, of all people, shining like a star, and hating every minute of it. As we’re leaving the church, I mention this to one of the monks. ‘Ah, poor Jerome,’ he said, ‘forced to smile and sing for all of eternity. Maybe that’s his punishment’.’‘
--Kathleen Norris

Would heaven be hell if John Piper and Clark Pinnock found they were together for all eternity, or Paige Patterson and Art Allen? How many Christians are there who have no real interest in developing the whole range of Christian virtues or reaping the fruit of the Spirit? We want the forgiveness of sin and the acceptance of God; more to the point, we want to avoid hell, and perhaps, get to go to heaven.

We may even want to become a serious Christian to a degree, on certain points, but might genuinely cringe at even the thought of actually allowing the Spirit to rule and reshape every dimension of our thoughts, feelings, decisions, and actions.

Raw Sewage

[Speaking on why she doesn’t let "the one-eyed monster in her house"] "Having a sieve up on the roof collecting wild beams from everywhere does seem poetic, but the image that strikes me as more realistic is that of a faucet into the house that runs about 5 percent clear water and 95 percent raw sewage."
--Barbara Kingsolver


Except for the weather channel, I stopped watching television near about twenty years ago. It didn’t matter what you view–and hear–it numbs the mind and agitates the nerves. I found that I could not go to sleep for a few hours after tv. It took that long for my nerves to calm. Also, it was almost all pointless.

But my main reason for eliminating the "boob" tube from my life was that it was robbing my life. We have a limited amount of time in which to live, why give time to watching the imaginary life of others rather than spending that time living my own life? I quit because I didn’t have time/life to waste. I certainly would never watch it, or do anything just "to kill time."

"If you can fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds of distance run. . ."

From what I read about the developments on tv over this past twenty years (confirmed by what I have seen in passing on the omnipresent and unavoidable screens) I can’t help but wonder why intelligent and responsible people not only allow raw sewage, much less pipe it into their homes, but also what kind of soap they use to wash the stuff off.

I’m with Kingsolver when she says, "To me, that ubiquitous cable looks an awful lot like the snake that batted its eyes at Eve." There are better things to do than be deceived and taken in my those eyes.

Ostensibly Christian

[In a California radio interview with Kathleen Norris, on Pacifica radio] "‘Do you consider yourself a Christian?’ my host asked. I sighed and said, ‘My problem with that is that so many people who publicly identify themselves as Christians are such jerks about it.’"
--Kathleen Norris

I cringe when I see these jerks with simplistically "Christian" messages on their t-shirts and bumper stickers or when I see them praying over their food in restaurants. I don’t label as jerks everyone who follows these practices; many are not. Many are sincere and unthinking Christians.

I have yet to see a t-shirt sporting the Jesus’ words according to Matthew 6:1, "Beware of practicing your righteousness before men to be noticed by them; otherwise you have no reward with your Father who is in heaven."

One reason ostensible Christian testimony bothers me is that often I know these people. I know that much of their daily practice--speech, attitude, action--is contrary to clear biblical guidelines. If I were not a Christian, if I were not already "born again", neither they nor their message would attract the least of my interest. Like everyone else I would find myself paying more to the person than to what they were advertizing.

The same holds for so many of the cute "Christian" messages that show up on the marquis in front of churches. They make some of the insiders feel good, but to the outside passerby they may look either innocuous or offensive. Nearly always they see them as childish.

I've lost my source, but somewhere Doris Betts wrote, "Christian spoils into a rancid adjective."

U. S. President Starts a War

"'...the blood of this war, like the blood of Abel, is crying to Heaven against him [the President]."
. . . .
". . . must have begun the war motivated by a desire for "military glory"--that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood--that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy.' When that aim failed, his mind, "taxed beyond its power," began "running hither and thither, like an ant on a hot stove," and this "bewildered, confounded, and miserable man " could only speak in "the half insane mumbling of a fever-dream."

[Abraham Lincoln, speaking of President James K. Polk]
--David Herbert Donald

The mind moves easily, almost naturally, to think this speaks to another president, long after Polk. It might seem to refer, not to the U. S. invasion that initiated the Mexican war, but a later U. S. invasion that started another ill-begotten war.
Lincoln still speaks, even in the 21st Century.

Although he was labeled "unpatriotic," and a "traitor," and was accused of treason and speaking from political motivation, he nonetheless supported sending supplies and support to the troops, who were in this through no fault of their own.

Censoring the Bible

“In recent years, some Benedictine houses, particularly women’s communities, have begun censoring the harshest of the psalms, often called the ‘cursing psalms,’ from their public worship.”
–Kathleen Norris

The church, across most of the centuries of its history, has acquired quite a reputation for censoring literature. Most unchurched people would be quite surprised to learn that the church, in its actual practice, censors the Christian Bible rather thoroughly. Thomas Jefferson is reputed to have taken his pen knife and cut out of his Bible every reference to anything miraculous, anything supernatural. It is still possible to buy copies of The Jefferson Bible. Christians decry Jefferson’s truncation, but themselves routinely do much the same.

If the Bible were made into a Hollywood movie, and if the movie were faithful to the text, much of it could not receive a “G” rating. Rather much of it would have to be rated either “PG-13,” or “R,” both for sex and violence. See in particular much of Joshua and Judges or the entire story of the rape of Dinah in Genesis 34 or the visit of Judah, from whom the Jews get their name, and his visit with a “prostitute.” Read the entire story of David. When we tell these stories in Sunday School classes, we edit out those parts that would not be “in good taste” to read in polite company.
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In our Bible study groups and in Sunday sermons, we get uneasy with parts of the Bible not only for sex and violence, but also because it is also comfortable with bathroom language, and with strong language of rebuke, bitterness and hatred. We don’t talk that language, or about those things in church, although we do everywhere else.

Darkness and ugliness are part of human reality and therefore a part of biblical reality. But because we see ourselves as clean, respectable, and nice people, we find that there is much in the Bible that it just would not be right to read publicly in church.