Secrets, What to Do with Them

"...a secret is something that is revealed to one person at a time." --John LeCarre

I have a secret. What do I do with it/ If I keep it to myself, it is a true secret? It is private part of who I am. It is not public. No one else knows about this part of me. It is a part of me that no one can own. It is part of what makes me a distinctive person.

If I tell someone else, anyone else, it is no longer a secret. "Two can keep a secret if one of them is dead." It is a rare person who can keep a secret. It is risky and potentially dangerous to share it with anyone. If they tell someone else, it is likely to spread, and that which was unique to me is now part of the public perception of me, and may become a subject of gossip.

On the other hand, if I tell my closest friend, a friend who I know can keep secrets, then my friend and I have something that we alone can share. It gives our friendship a deeper and richer element. It enhances intimacy.

If I tell several close friends, and if they are people who can be trusted to keep confidences, we become a close-knit group sharing something that distinguishes us from the rest of the world. We appreciate the trust and support.

On still another hand it is common for us to, as LeCarre says, to tell one person at a time, telling each of them to tell no one else. We ask them not to, but we continue telling several. At some point secrecy is likely to break down.

Telling secrets, our own or one entrusted to us by someone else, is risky and often dangerous. On one hand it is a way to enhance intimacy and bind people more closely together, on the other hand it is one of the most common ways of damaging the relationship we had with someone whose trust we have now betrayed.

So, what are we to do with our secrets? Be mighty careful about them.
On the other hand,